In The Muddy Waters I don’t know why I am here. How could I have let my self get to this point, I thought to myself. Not only do I regret my past decision’s, but I am begging for forgiveness. As I am speaking with these young children of the state, they give me mysterious looks. Looks of judgement. “Well I am here today to tell you why I got to place I did, but why I decided that counseling was the best decision for my health. First off, I’d like you to know that not everyone goes down this cruel path, but let me tell you, once you do, it is hard to turn back.” “It was 2006, I had just gotten home from dinner with my best friend Anna. As we were walking in the door of our dorm, we slipped into our pajamas and were getting ready to watch …show more content…
Today marks three months being sober.” Clapping filled the room, and in that moment, I received the biggest accomplishment. I continued, “Thank you. Three months ago, when I woke up to banging at the door, I realized I needed the drugs to function. Before I went to the door, I grabbed a cigarette and opened it to find my good friend, Alex. He first said, ‘Did you pick up Kasen from daycare last night?’ In that moment I froze. I had forgotten that I had a child. He started again after seeing my horrific facial expressions, ‘Listen to me very clearly. It’s not clear why we choose the fire pathway, where we end is not the way that we had planned. All the spirits gather ‘round like it’s our last day, to get across you know we’ll have to raise the sand.’ It took me a moment to realize what he was talking about. As soon as I figured it out, I ran to the window and threw out my cigarette. It was in that moment I realized that I was drowning in the muddy waters, washed up and let is the sun to dry and burn to a crisp.” “After consideration, I made Alex pack me a bag and take me to therapy. When we arrived, Alex told me, ‘I’ll take care of Kasen, go and reinvent yourself.’ And then he drove away. As I am walking into the clinic, scared and embarrassed for myself, I knew it was the right thing. I met with Dr. Lindquist and I told him, ‘I will ack you for mercy. I will come to you blind. What you’ll see is the worst me. Not the last of my kind.’ After two weeks of counseling, my doctor told me my child had been taken into child services. At that point I knew I was doing the right thing, but I was