The faint buzzing of an old street light in the distance was the only sound that filled the air. The loud dogs that paced yellow lawns and fenced in porches were deep asleep. It was as melancholy as it could get. My hand trembled, I looked down at the paper weapon clasped between my fingers. I lifted my hand and pressed the cold cigarette to my chapped lips, long ago accepting the fact that I 'd never remember the taste of his mouth, in the same way I didn 't remember the last time my life wasn 't anything more than a huge fucking shit show. With my other hand I clicked the lighter to life. The hot flickering flame danced in front of my watery ocean blue eyes, which were long dulled by all the loss and pain they 've been through. My eyes fell …show more content…
“Today is the day”. My voice cracked, and filled the empty and otherwise silent alleyway. Who was I announcing to? I didn 't really know. Maybe I was convincing myself it really was the day. Maybe I was hoping someone, anyone would hear me. I stared blankly into the filthy, graffitied wall in front of me, and contemplated tomorrow. Who would find me? Would it be a homeless man? Perhaps some stray dogs, who would gladly make an opportunistic meal of me? I shrugged. I 'd finally be useful for something then. I took another drag of the cigarette and reached into my purse. There was only one thing inside, and as soon as my fingers grasped around it I felt my heart begin pounding harder inside my chest. The hard metal was icy cold to the touch. I exhaled a puff of smoke at the same time as I pulled the gun out. I stared intensely at the contraption, wondering how many lives it had cut short in its existence. My hands were going numb, as if they realized what they were holding. “Today 's the day.” I can 't overthink this. One pull of a trigger and it 'll all be over. A bullet to the head is an instant death right? I 've suffered through enough pain and bullshit. I won 't even feel it. And soon it 'll all be alright. I will be in a state of deep and final sleep, and it 's all I could ever ask for. I slowly and silently clicked the safety off. With a racing heart but a quiet mind I cocked the gun. I shut my eyes, and let out a deep, shaky breath. Raising the gun to my temple, I realized how heavy it felt in my small hands. “Today 's the