David's Struggle For Identity In Hella

Although David leaves the United States to escape from his struggles with identity, his internal journey continues while staying in Europe where he meets a group of homosexual men and begins to associate with them. His new friends begin to pry information from David concerning their curiosity on his sexual identity. David feels that if he hides his homosexuality, it will eventually go away, and he will not feel socially alienated anymore. By denying his homosexuality, David looses his sense of identity and lives his life in constant fear of being punished and ridiculed for not following what is the societal norm. David’s uses his girlfriend Hella to help him regain his normalcy and maintain his reputation as a straight man. Although David is

However, because of his struggles with social alienation, he did not know how to accept or return the love that he received. David always held back and denied himself the feelings that he was having never fully allowing him to. His internal conflict hindered the possibility of him and Giovanni finding true love together, and prevented David’s identity from evolving. When referring to his relationship with Giovanni, David explains, “I must confess: I loved him. I do not think that I will ever love anyone like that again” (Baldwin, 112). Although throughout the entire novel David denies the fact that he is homosexual, he admits his emotions towards Giovanni. While still struggling to understand his sexual orientation and why he does not fit the expectations of masculinity that he desires more than anything, David eventually abandons Giovanni with out any warning, only to find out later that Giovanni is in jail awaiting his execution for the murder of the owner of the bar where he worked. David’s self-denial and social alienation is responsible for his guilt he feels about Giovanni’s execution. David is fully aware that he let Giovanni down, having him in Paris to seek refuge in his own idyllic world. David’s social alienation and avoidance of expressing his sexuality will lead to a loss of his true identity. By denying his homosexuality and continuing to live his life as a lie, David is not being true to himself and is enabling his social