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Deborah Tannen But What Do You Mean Summary

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Communication is an essential part of human interaction, although men and women frequently fail to communicate well. This phenomenon is more than just a question of different words; it involves intricate layers of intent, perception, and social conditioning. Deborah Tannen's essay "But What Do You Mean?" discusses the complexities of gender-based communication inequalities, notably in professional settings. Miscommunications frequently result from differences in conversational styles and expectations, leading to frustration and misunderstanding. This essay will investigate why men and women communicate badly, if at all, by highlighting key aspects of Tannen's essay and drawing on insights from other scholarly sources. Men and women frequently miscommunicate due to inherent …show more content…

This goal-oriented approach can sometimes appear dismissive to women who are seeking emotional support rather than solutions. This difference is visible in how men and women take compliments and criticism. Tannen uses the example of a woman who commended her male colleague's presentation and expected an equal remark. Instead, she received a lengthy analysis of her presentation, leaving her feeling judged and unappreciated. The man, on the other hand, was simply participating in what he saw as a helpful conversation. This contrast in expectations demonstrates how men and women can talk over each other, each according to their conversational standards, without acknowledging the other's point of view. A study by sociolinguist Janet Holmes backs up this claim, revealing that women are more inclined to employ hedging language, qualifiers, and tag questions to soften their comments and promote collaboration. Men, on the other hand, are more likely to use strong and authoritative language. These distinctions can present substantial challenges to good communication since each gender may misread the other's intentions and

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Deborah Tannen explained, on many different occasions, how to give an indirect order to a superior from a subordinate. Deborah mentioned indirect orders or concerns from subordinates to superiors are often overlooked and not taken as hints or serious suggestions. Due to the fact some pilots do not take subtle hints of co-pilots for danger, many co-pilots have taken courses on how to tell their superior officer of the impending danger that will follow if the pilot keeps the-= aircraft’s current course. Tannan recommends being more assertive and conscientious when giving indirect orders from a superior to subordinate or vise versa, as well as making sure direct orders will not cause the subordinate to feel inferior. The co-pilot tried to warn

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More often than not, society compels us to behave like genders we are not. For instance, when faced with challenges like finance, family issues and education, women are expected to be exceptionally strong. Likewise, when men are confronted with sensitive issues they are not expected to openly show their emotions like women. Some jobs description requires female

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645 Words | 3 Pages

Debra Tannen wrote, “When a girl told a friend about a problem, the friend responded by asking probing question and expressing agreement and understanding” (404). Women have a support group when talking amongst themselves, but men have the exact opposite disposition. “Boys dismissed each other’s problems,” wrote Debra Tannen (404). Men downplay the severity of other people’s problems when communicating. A woman talking to an inexperienced man may get rather mad because the woman expects support from the man, who much to his chagrin, may dismiss the woman’s problems.

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710 Words | 3 Pages

Of all the 70 scientific studies Tannen could have chosen to talk about, the number of which she releases later in her paper, her choice of these two serves to demonstrate how biased and varied in results the scientific studies on this topic have been in the past. This helps Tannen justify the need for her article on the subject as it gives reason to why the issue on which gender speaks more still has not yet been resolved. Later in her essay, Tannen uses the results of a survey done by Campbell Leaper and Melanie Ayres on the results of 70 studies published in scientific journals several times. Her first use of their results follows her statements on the studies talked about earlier in this paper, noting that they “found that counting words yielded no consistent differences”. She then goes on to say, “Campbell and Ayres note that many studies find women doing more ‘affiliative

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994 Words | 4 Pages

This article was written over a decade ago and although her article was used as a guidebook to some people, it mostly helped women understand why they are more sensitive when it comes to having conversations involving the male population. However, in present time, women are taking lead roles. We are apologizing less, have a better understanding of directness, which is sometimes more efficient to get things done, and lastly that we are not afraid to voice our opinions or beliefs and stand up to men's own

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520 Words | 3 Pages

“But What Do You Mean” Relating to Society The question, “why do men and women so often communicate badly, if at all?” Has influenced and motivated Tannen. In “But What Do You Mean” by Deborah Tannen, she discusses many areas of difficulty in communication between men and women. Tannen’s purpose was for her readers to understand the importance of communication, she also has identified several ways in which men and women miscommunicate, and she has taught her readers a few things about our society and how it can be improved.

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291 Words | 2 Pages

Comprehension: Q4: What characteristics of women's speech do men find frustrating? In the article, "Sex, Lies and Conversation" , by Deborah Tannen , Deborah discuss how men and women have an cross culture disagreement in communication. She explains the systematic difference in ways girls and boys communicate with each other during our upbringing and how those skills may have an negative impact on marriages today. Women's conversational habits such as "stream of noise ( "mhm, uhun and yeah"), finishing each other's sentences and offering to share an similar experience for comfort, is often found frustrating to men when communicating to their spouse.

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956 Words | 4 Pages

Nadine Sia SOC-1 Professor Thompson November 10th, 2015 You Just Don’t Understand This article was about the difference between how men and women perceive conversation. He opens up with a conversation that both parties took very differently than the other. He then goes on to explain more differences, such as status vs. support, independence vs. intimacy, advice vs. understanding, etc.

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523 Words | 3 Pages

Summary According to Deborah Tannen, agonism refers to ritualized opposition, a situation when a party in a debate wins rather than an argument that comes up when two parties disagree. She claims that the academic world is very agonistic. We tend to think that intellectual inquiry is a metamorphic battle and to show our skills is to criticize, find fault and attack and foster this in students. Students are often taught to criticize and find the weakest point from one’s work to support their view while ignoring the strength and other important facts of the paper that would support other’s viewpoint.

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383 Words | 2 Pages

Morghan Renfrow Instructor C. Shackelford English 1113, Section 101 1 September 2016 Analysts of “How Male and Female Students Use Language Differently” An essay written by Deborah Tannen called “How male and females students use language differently”, is describing how they talk and interact with others. The writer presents different studies on how language changes based on a certain person. The essay states that men are more aggressive and talkative, while women are calm and modest about talking about the views they share.

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807 Words | 4 Pages

Sex, Lies and Conversation There are many differences between a man and woman, communication is just one difference. Deborah Tannen, a University of California graduate, got her PhD in linguistics at Georgetown University; there she studied the communication between men and women. Tannen has published over one hundred articles and wrote over twenty books, including You Just Don’t Understand: Women and Men in Conversation (1990), which spent almost four years on the New York Times best seller list and was translated into twenty-nine languages. The article Sex, Lies and Conversation appeared in the Washington Post in 1990 and gives insight to how opposite sexes communicate with each other. From an early age we are programed to play and be friends with the same gender as our own.

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593 Words | 3 Pages

The Enlightenment, a time period between 1600c. and 1800c. , emphasized using reason, logic, and science to solve problems within society. European thinkers, such as Baron De Montesquieu, Jean Jacques Rousseau, John Locke, and J.H. Bernardin de Saint, used logic to question the authority of kings and queens. They also stressed freedom for all, humanism, and equality between rulers and their citizens.

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1344 Words | 6 Pages

The deficiency theory suggests that gender differences in language reflect power differences in society. In mixed-sex conversations men are more likely to interrupt than women. An old study of a small sample of conversations, (Zimmerman & West 1975) at the University of California produced 31 segments of conversation. In 11 conversations between men and women, men used 46 interruptions, but women only 2. However, it is true that in studies like these, one interrupting man can seriously destabilise these results and skew conclusions (Beattie 1982).

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Analysis Paper #1 Even from a very young age, I had always realized that males and females thought and communicated differently. Within my own family, gender miscommunication plagues my parent's marriage and my relationship with my three sisters. Even so, the dissimilarities between how my girlfriend and I communicate helped me further grasp the importance of understanding gender miscommunication. Through her research, Deborah Tannen has found that males and females see the world through different lenses.

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The Genderlect Theory: Explaining Communication Between Men and Women Communication is an essential part of everyday life. People encounter some form of communication with others on a daily basis, whether it is face-to-face, electronically, etc. However, communication is not universal in that everyone interacts with each other through these several methods. Thus, numerous studies about communication from different viewpoints have been conducted.

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