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Deming's Relationship Revealed In 'The Leavers'

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In the novel The Leavers by Lisa Ko, Deming encounters significant adversity centered around his relationships with both guardians and friends, stemming from when his mother seemingly abandoned him. From the beginning of Deming's upbringing he was without a mother or father and it wasn’t until he was around 8 years old that he would ever officially meet his mom. This however wouldn’t last forever because when Deming was around 11 years old his mother would leave him again leaving him with Leon, her boyfriend, and Vivian, Leon's sister. Shortly after these events unfold Leon also leaves for China and because of this Vivian is forced to put Deming up for adoption as she couldn’t support him and her son Michael who also happened to be Deming’s best friend. …show more content…

However Deming gets caught up in his new parents' desires for him to attend college and new information on the whereabouts of his mother given to him by his old friend Michael. This results in him draining all of his time away from Roland’s band and eventually being cast out and replaced. Nonetheless the root of Deming's major problems throughout his life stemmed from when his mother left for China without saying anything. This led Deming to believe that it was his fault that she had left and blamed himself for being a disappointment to her. When Deming was living with Kay and Peter he had developed the idea that he had to earn respect and approval from everyone in his life, “If only Peter and Kay knew how much he wanted their approval, how he feared disappointing them like he’d disappointed his mother” (). However it wasn’t only his mother leaving that developed these ideas it was also the fact that the other two adults, Leon and Vivian, whom he trusted in his life also left him behind. These events caused Deming to lose trust in adults and make him fear disappointing anyone again with the worry that he might be abandoned again. Deming also becomes paranoid about his new family, Kay and Peter,

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