Anxiety & Depression
All my life I've struggled with feeling alone and empty inside. Most days it was hard for me to get out of bed and find the motivation to go on with the day. In "Anxietea" by Curtis Roach, he explains perfectly how things felt for me at that time.
"Feel like I'm lost in the universe just a particle traveling in this space" is a part of the song that really got to me. A lot of times I would feel as if I was nothing in such a big place. I could be surrounded by people that love me, and I would continue to feel so alone. After feeling alone for some time, I started to feel less and care less. I began to abuse pills and struggle with self-harm to just feel something because I was desperate to feel normal in some way. This lasted for about a year. Soon things got a little better but that didn’t last very long.
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This part in the song represents the time in my life where things got extremely bad, so bad to the point where I tried to take my own life. I was tired of dealing with everyone and everything, so I felt like my only option was to kill myself. This was the absolute worst time of my life. I would smile and pretend everything was okay but in reality, I couldn’t stand to be alive. I was sick and tired of people being judged for who they are and what they look like. I was done with constantly being yelled at for having no motivation to do anything, but hey, rainy days don’t last