1. After reviewing the comments that my peers and Ms. Collier gave me, I have noticed what aspects of my essay need work. From Ms. Collier, most of my comments were around the development of my essay. Specifically, I think that to construct and develop a better idea focused around my thesis, I should include a more in depth rebuttal. From my peer reviews, I should work on my analysis more. My instructor thought my claim or thesis was very solid and contained an argument. Additionally, she was pleased with my personal experiences that I included. Similar to that of my instructor, my peers enjoyed my argument and felt that I provided clear examples that related to my argument. 2. As an author, I think that it was very helpful to have the instructor comments on my development. After struggling through high school from …show more content…
Revision Plan: 1. Organization of my first paragraph. Right now, I have my thesis as the first sentence and then my hook afterward. If I would have the ability to revise my essay again, I would start off with the quote “Grades do not define me. I am more than a Grade.” After this I would provide commentary on how I believe that grades do define me and then say my thesis. 2. Definition of Grades: Throughout my essay, I believed that I implied my definition of what grades mean. I was trying to say that grades define a person’s work ethic. The instructor’s comments say that I need to define what my definition of grades is and what the widely accepted definition of grades is. Maybe I could include my definition of grades by saying “I believe that grades represent a student’s work ethic.” Then state a societal view of grades by saying “Most believe grades represent a student’s mastery of coursework.” 3. Rebuttal: I only have one sentence about a rebuttal and it is rather general. In the future, I should maybe include a full paragraph on the rebuttal and then refute it. However, I should be careful not to make it sound like a back-and-forth