HIM & SHE is an original sci-fi thriller. The goal for the protagonist eventually becomes clear and the stakes are high. The plot is driven by solid themes about second chances and redemption. In addition, the universal theme of good vs. evil is well played out.
The script features some nice visual storytelling and images, such as the moon crater compound, the killing of John Smith, and the ending translucent ladder sequence.
While there are strengths to the plot, the overall script would benefit from more development. The areas to re-examine are the structure, pace, tone, tension, clarification, as well as character development and dialogue.
The opening sets the tone for a sci-fi film. The core characters of Charlie and “She” are quickly
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This part of the storyline, unfortunately, doesn’t engage, and becomes distracting. It’s also too fantasy-oriented, vs. realistic. Consider the idea that Zaarl is not alien, but human and consider cutting the POTO subplot. Instead, have NASA and the government give Charlie orders to destroy Zaarl’s compound and the Nurodeon. This feels more realistic. Also, consider making “She” a NASA pilot. It’s too unrealistic for NASA to send her up into space without being a pilot or part of NASA. Either she can go with Charlie or she goes on the rescue mission.
Another concern about the POTO warriors is that in the third act they overshadow Charlie and She. They seem to battle Zaarl and destroy his compound. Charlie (and She) needs to have a stronger hero vs. foe battle in the third act. Charlie should come face to face with Zaarl.
Continue to work on character development. While both Charlie and She are very likable, they act too immature for their ages. They sound too young. Consider making Charlie more of a Bruce Willis type action character – charming, witty, and sardonic. Make him smarter. He can be flawed and have a backstory where he was discredited, but don’t make him sound or act like a