How Repression Changed My Life

A challenge, at its simplest, is something difficult that you have to overcome. It's when the odds are against you, and you're not sure if you can do what you need to get done — or, at extremes, if you'll even survive what you're going through. I spent years neglected and unsafe under the care of my birth mother; my brothers and I were never fed and were denied privacy and emotional support. I barely saw my mom most days, and when I did I was usually insulted, threatened, or afraid. I felt alone for so long, yet felt too guilty to reach out — it became a challenge to handle the thoughts and emotions I had. To overcome this I repressed most of them, growing numb to all the things wrong in my life and focused on school. It helped me get through

Rather than relieving myself of the pressure my thoughts and feelings, I spent most of my energy on keeping them contained, and it left me even more drained and distressed than before. But somehow I remained oblivious to the issues it caused. It brought tension to my shoulders and neck, made it hard to think or react properly, and strained my relationships with others. Despite how I knew I was safe and loved, and it would be okay to confide in them, something in me felt scared and ashamed of myself; it made me more distant from them emotionally. Eventually the feelings I kept inside began to find their own way out, chipping away at me from the inside and pushing through the cracks made in my disposition. It felt like I had no control of myself, I couldn't handle conversations about things that had happened and how I felt then without crying, underlying anger would come out of nowhere and I'd barely realize it. I'd have nothing to feel anger towards, and I would find the tiniest things to get frustrated about, and have talked badly of them over it. I acted unappreciative and two faced towards my family because I held them accountable for something I nevee admitted to, and it was unfair. Realizing the stress and pain I caused is the moment I realized that I was handling my problems completely