Is Cheap: Romance Cynicism In What We Talk About Love By Raymond Carver

Richard Hager

German Urisote

English Love

1/27/2023

Talk is Cheap: Romance Cynicism in “What We talk about When We Talk About Love”

Through Mel’s jaded comments, Raymond Carver’s “What We Talk about When We Talk about Love” argues that one can reject Philia after a deeply important relationship comes to close. When Mel remarks that he is "praying [his wife will] get herself stung to death by a swam of fucking bees (153)" Carver highlights how powerful hatred toward someone who we were once bound to can be. A woman Mel knew so well, a woman he loved and had children with has left him bitter, vengeful, even facetiously homicidal. Furthermore, in a drunken anecdote of an elderly couple’s treatment after a grizzly accident, Mark laments, saying, “Can

I’m telling you, the man’s heart was breaking because he couldn't turn his goddamn head and see his goddamn wife. (151)”. In undermining the emotional pain felt by the elderly man, Carver illustrates the jealousy, dejection, and condemnation Mel and people like him hold for affection. Mel has become estranged from western societies norm of celebrating Philia. Mel struggles to understand why the elderly man is so upset when he asks his friends “Can you imagine?”. This, combined with his demonstrated hatred of his wife, who he used to love, directly strengthens the idea that Mel does not understand or appreciate Philia anymore. Mel yearns for love and rages that his desire is unrequited. Moreover, Mel disparages Philia across the spectrum. The narrator of “What we Talk about” delineates that Mel thought “real love was nothing less than spiritual love. (137)” and Mel himself rejects the idea that mania, arguably the most intense form of Philia, when he declares “I don’t know what you’d call it, but I sure know you wouldn’t call it love. (138)”. That is not to say that mania is a socially acceptable way of conducting oneself. The relationship between Ed, the aggressor and Terri, the victim is