Laura Kipnis Against Love

Laura Kipnis’ argument in “Against Love,” is that love in the modern age has an increasingly low success rate while turning into a sacrifice of individuality and freedom. Kipnis shares that people’s ideal form of love is “mature love,” which is a combination of the ability to settle down, mutually appreciate each other, and engage love that lasts a lifetime; this is what secure, mature people aim for. She states that, “For the modern lover, ‘maturity’ isn’t a depressing signal of impending decrepitude but a sterling achievement, the sine qua non of a lover’s qualifications to love and be loved,” (Kipnis, 403). Growing up we have fantasies of falling in love. People can’t wait to become mature because it means they’ll finally be able to participate

Divorce is seen as failing at love but it’s perfectly fine to accept that something didn’t fulfill expectations and move on to the next phase of life. Anton Checkov shares Dimitri’s aversion towards his wife in “The Lady with the Dog” by stating that, “He secretly considered her shallow, narrow-minded, and dowdy, he stood in awe of her, and disliked being at home. It was long since he had first begun deceiving her and he was now constantly unfaithful to her,” (Checkov, 93). He has grown to despise his wife and want new experiences with other women from being disappointed in his marriage. This unhappiness with his wife that he exhibits is similar to Kipnis’ idea that matrimony isn’t everlasting because as people desire more, the less likely that couple will stay together long term (Kipnis, 405). The more people want, the more they are setting themselves up for disappointment since relationships are not always what they think they want or anticipate. The opinion that marriage is always beautiful and works out isn’t realistic because it seems to perpetrate the false view that true love is something everyone will experience in their life. I believe staying together in an unhappy relationship is unfair to both people because of the emotional strain it puts on the couple and the well-being of each of the individual people. In my opinion, divorce, especially in Dimitri’s

Kipnis states an unfortunate occurrence in modern relationships, “Both parties must be willing to jettison whatever aspects of individuality might prove irritating while be simultaneously allowed to retain enough individuality to feel their autonomy is not being sacrificed, even as it is being surgically removed,” (407). People in relationships have to change and adapt themselves as to not annoy their partner while not completely letting go of any major peculiarities. Nobody wants to live and be involved with a person who gets on their nerves. It’s tragic that people are more comfortable with modifying their natural actions for the sake of love than staying true to themselves. I believe changing yourself is a dreadful way to attain love, being yourself is monumental in obtaining the closest thing to true