Obsessive Behavior In Maggie Mitchell's It Would Be Different If

Nikki's obsessive behavior contributes emphasis on the theme that a person's inability to let go of the past, doesn't allow them to move forward in life in Maggie Mitchell's short story, “It Would Be Different If.” Nikki shows she is obsessive about her ex-boyfriend from high school in things that really happened and things that she imagined happened between them.
Nikki shows she is obsessive when she gives us a glimpse of her past; as she tells us what she remembers. “If I could hate you, this is what I would hate you for” (169). She is referencing her ex-boyfriend and acknowledging that she doesn't actually hate him, it is just the opposite. “It is dark and late”, and she says “I am trying to figure out which boat you're in so I don't get stuck in the other one.” (169). Nikki thinks he is reaching for her from the boat (169). The light flickers and exposes that he is actually

“It's the best she can do,” she says. She begins to imagine a scenario in great detail as if it's really happening. “You're just sitting there but somehow fill the air, you're everywhere and invisible. I breathe you, I walk on you, I curl you into Deb's frosted waves.” This shows her inability to focus on doing her clients hair. While doing her client's hair, she is so involved in her obsessiveness that she is envisioning him there. She envisioned herself giving him a haircut. She is visualizing him staring back at her in the mirror with them locking eyes (171). “I wait until your truck has pulled away to sweep up the short brown hairs. I can't throw them away, so I tilt the contents of the dustpan into one of the nice creamy envelopes” (171). These results show she is not living in the moment. Nikki gets to the point in her imagination that she thinks he reminded her to wait and promised her that things will be different (172). She is so obsessed that she says “I believe you”