Personal Essay About My Dementia

FADING GENERATION

For the past 5years my grandfather has had dementia and has been cared for by my Parents ,grandmother and other family members including myself. It was going alright but we did not think the situation could escalate so quick in the year to pass. In February of 2015 my 81 year old grandmother was diagnosed with Cancer of her uterus, she became weak and was no longer able to care herself and my grandfather. As of now my grandfather is in hospice care in a nursing home with memory care, he fights sometime but he forgets and tries to do something again later even the same action over and over, he as tried unlocking the PIN locked doors and climbing through a window to get inside. HE is sick we are sad but we lock him

My sister angry that I didn't go with them down stairs, I sit and question life and it's meaning .my grand mother had mentioned it the past month that she had entered a white room with a window, and she had said it wasn't open and she came" back" to us . My family crying as if she were to pass right then. But I, I was calm , a rock and I'm am not proud of that and it had me question my capability of showing my emotions. I have never cared for public emotional displays of any kind of human emotions besides anger and happiness . And as I see my family able to drowned their eyes in sorrow i pause and think “Why Can’t I “ . It's not my lack of sadness, it's the lack of the expressive

And as I saw my mother comforting her mother, my grandmother laying on her unfamiliar bed in her unfamiliar room in pain and wanting to "go" my mother standing over her's and with a comforting hand lightly brushing her forehead.With remembering that my grandfather is now down the street , my mother hopes that he will forget but then was silent, when I looked a tear was falling from her eye and then she said " but meme will remember everything". " well soon they can argue and laugh with each other " I said in a joking voice. my grandmother wanted water and needed another blanket so i went to get a nurse, a 5 min wait and a nurse is walking down the hall and i ask “ yes can i get some water for my grandmother and another blanket, oh and something to help ease her itching” as i had to explain to the nurse the cause. she told me that Nancy will be right with you i paused for what felt like a lifetime when she said that name , but it was merrily just a second i said “ ok um Nancy… Nancy right” as if i wish i didn’t hear her correctly, but i did so i said my thank you’s and headed back to her