If you had asked me what I had feared the most, when it became clear that I was to join the ever increasing number of divorced Dad 's, it certainly wasn 't that I would lose touch with my kids. It wouldn 't have been that I was afraid their mother (who was lovely, pretty, educated, and in many other ways appealing) would introduce another man to the situation that my kids would connect with and be influenced by more than me. Above all I didn 't even have the notion that this divorce would force me to look at myself in ways that I never thought I would … and, in turn do personal work that I thought was completed years before.
My answer to you would have painted a much different picture, one of an almost flawless transition from at-home-dad
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That 's what I would have told you then because that 's what I believed. I was wrong - very wrong - immeasurably wrong. The beliefs I had were shattered one by one. The moments of doubt, unexpected and unsettling came at me at the most inopertune time. I was thrust on an unplanned journey with no road map requiring me to find an inner compass at a time my kids needed stability the most. My resolve not to fight with my wife did little to diminish the tension and icy cold stares that had become commonplace during my visits. Any attempt to circumvent this such as suggesting that the kids me me outside to get moving on our fun night out was met with a more clever way to expose my intention and make it look like I was manipulating the situation.
And the news is good. The path was not easy, there was no flawless transition for me, but the results and rewards have been immeasurable. Amid the numerous moments of angst were glimmers ... of hope and enlightenment. Enlightenment seems to stream through every turn, my children and I took. From the ____ to the ____ were were all
Each milestone and the confidence that came with it shifted my perspective on the possibilities
It was in those moments that I realized I wanted to share my story. I began to make mental notes of the most meaningful, and sometimes poignant, moments of the story of transition for myself and my children. So many of them happened over dinner. It 's amazing the wonder and spontaneity that can come from what otherwise might be seen as a planned, regulated, and limited scheduled visit. Perspective is so