Personal Narrative: My Mental Health Journey

If there was a way for me to share every detail of my mental health journey, people wouldn’t believe me. They would think I’m exaggerating. I’ve been to countless numbers of doctors in all different states and I’ve been admitted to hospital after hospital which insurance wouldn’t always cover. When I was eight, doctors diagnosed me with a severe case of Tourette Syndrome and OCD. There was no way they could prepare me for what was ahead, there wasn’t even much they could do for me besides prescribe pills. As a child, I didn’t realize how sick I was. I knew I wasn’t like the other kids. I knew they didn’t have to leave the classroom multiple times a day to tic in the nurses office. I understood that they didn’t breakdown with body convulsions

I couldn 't eat without gagging, shower without screaming. The mention of homework put my body in a state of paralysis which we later found out was called a Conversion Disorder. Any act of cleanliness such as brushing my teeth or brushing my hair was impossible. Sometimes after two weeks of no bathing or bushing my hair I’d feel strong enough to have my mom try to free my knotted hair. She’d sit me down and spend an hour or two brushing my hair so we wouldn’t have to cut it off. I took life one day at a time. My parents were lost as to what to do. I was days away from going into a group home for the disabled. They couldn 't keep me living the way I was. While researching my father found The Center for the Treatment and Study of Anxiety at the University of Pennsylvania. They slowly helped me get better, but I needed more intensive treatment. That’s when I went to Rogers Memorial After my time there I was doing

I did pretty well the first semester. I didn’t realize it at the time, but signs of my OCD were showing up. The spring was hard. I didn’t understand what this internal resistance towards school was. It didn’t click that something was wrong. On top of that I started getting dizzy and had passed out a few times. I managed to make it through that spring semester and then spent the summer with my family figuring out why I was dizzy. The Cleveland Clinic diagnosed me with Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS) I went back to college for my Sophomore year but was struggling too much the first few weeks. I had brain fog and felt weak. I thought it was my POTS but would later realize that it was my OCD making me feel this way. My brain was manipulating me and I didn’t even realize it. I took a medical leave from college and things quickly crumbled. I couldn’t shower, I couldn’t think about school, nobody could even say the word around me without going into a panic attack. I started getting disgusted by my body. I felt like it was wrong to eat and when I did that I had to get it out. I purged often and binged every once in a while. I was paralyzed and trapped inside my home once again. We made the call to Rogers Memorial Hospital once again and I was added to the waiting list. The two and a half months of waiting were awful, but I finally got the call that it was my turn. It was 1 and a half weeks in the eating disorder center and three