I have a personal problem with the requirements of the SIP Rationale. The objective is to write from a Christian perspective, but my faith is horribly damaged, and I’m having trouble writing without blatantly lying about how God is redeeming His world through the medium of art. In order to understand my predicament, I would like to share with you a bit about my history. I am sharing this in confidence, knowing that even though I’m not breaking contract, the information in the paragraphs below are sensitive and could be misinterpreted if read by the wrong person.
As I have previously stated, I don 't conform to the bible 's standard of sexual orientation. I found out that I was bisexual when I was 12. I knew I couldn 't tell my parents, especially my mother, who is, in short, a fundamentalist
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Then in sophomore year of high school, I was, well, let’s say “mistreated” by a male classmate. I felt broken and hurt, like I couldn’t trust a soul in the world. That instance only confirmed that maybe God wasn’t as present as I’d hoped and maybe men were not my type. When I started looking at colleges, naturally, I wanted to go somewhere safe, where there was little violence and possibly the opportunity to strengthen my dwindling faith. I found Covenant. Once I got here though, not much changed. The expectation to be straight still bothered me, and it was now an offense against the school to date the same gender. Furthermore, my mother continued her ritual of yearly hospitalizations well into my sophomore year here.
Beginning of my first attempt at senior year, I had enough. I was tired of living behind the mask I built myself and was tired of worshiping a seemingly absent God. I wanted out. So I tried to end it. It took four days on suicide watch (georgia law requires two days minimum) and an entire month of therapy to make me realize life is worth living despite its hardships, and that maybe, just maybe, God is an entirely different being than what I had been