I think what Ender is saying is that, in order for you to defeat somebody- whether it be in the games or in a real battle- you must understand them first. You have to understand how they think, how they act, and why they think the way that they do to develop a perfect strategy that, when executed, will leave you winning in the end. But when you do this, you see a part of them that they have most likely never shown to anyone. You understand their beliefs and their deepest wishes, a part of them that, once you have discovered it, you can 't help but love, just as they