October 14, 2015
Dr. Jennifer Retherford
315 John D. Tickle Building
Knoxville, TN 37996
Dr. Retherford:
First and foremost, thank you for your comments on my draft of Written Assignment 02 before I officially submitted the document. I found your commentary to be very beneficial because it demonstrated skills of specifically what to look for when reviewing a technical document. I took your remarks into consideration when submitting WA02, but more so during this written assignment as they taught me how to practically break down my paragraphs and sentence structure in order to fortify my paper in addition to what my sources taught.
In my WA02 the two principles I was to demonstrate through my writing were “Making Transitions” and “Designing
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Another check for “skimability” is the first sentence method where each first sentence of every paragraph is read to ensure the flow of ideas is easy to follow.
(Line 41): Since the issue of ventilation of exhaust fumes is the topic of the sentence, then the sentence can be restructured to move it to the subject or even the action verb of the sentence to keep the focus on the exhaust fumes being problematic.
(Lines 44-46): The initial claim of the sentence about the significant impact should be reiterated at the end of the paragraph. It should be somehow incorporated into or placed after the final sentence already present.
(Lines 55-59): Opposing the ideas of making the smooth transitions, designing paragraphs calls for the closure of a paragraph rather than the linkage between two paragraphs. In this situation, the ending of the first paragraph was unable to finish its claim that the air quality improved due to the cluttered linkage to the second paragraph.
(Lines 82-111): This section is lengthy and can consequently be difficult for the reader to follow without it sounding monotonous. Subheadings can be used to break these paragraphs into more manageable