An awkward, sheltered young man travels across country to spread his father’s ashes but when he runs into trouble he must rely on a free spirited man to help him get to his destination and along the way he learns about growing up.
BRIEF SYNOPSIS
CHAZ ARNOLD (21) is an uptight, awkward young man who has led a rather sheltered life. He lives with his mother and has a dead end job at a burger joint. Uncle TOM belittles Chaz.
When his father dies, his father makes one last wish for Chaz to travel back to his their childhood home in Wisconsin and spread the ashes in Lake Michigan. Chaz’s mother DONNA is opposed to the request and Chaz goes along with her. However, Chaz’s friend MARYALICE challenges Chaz to take a risk. After Chaz realizes how
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He is similar to Chaz’s father in that Jacques also learned the hard way that life is something to appreciate and grab versus letting it pass you by. He complements Chaz in that he’s a free spirit, willing to take risks, while Chaz is afraid of life and fearful of taking risks. Jacques is enjoyable, eccentric, and he has his own voice. As mentioned, elevate his sardonic voice with stronger one-liners.
Donna is submissive to Tom. It’s not really clear why she gives Tom so much power in the family. It’s nice to see her emerge as a stronger woman. One thinks it’s because she sees Chaz becomes independent, but it may not be highlighted enough (her trigger to change).
Tom is well established as the antagonist, yet he really doesn’t hinder Chaz’s goal. For example, if Chaz had “borrowed” the family car to begin his trip and Tom reported it as stolen this would elevate the stakes and the risk if the police entered the car as stolen. Then the car could break down as another obstacle. Try to find way to hinder his trip in every way
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It’s a lot of fun at the end when Chaz wants her to trust him and jump. It’s a terrific payoff.
The supporting characters that Chaz meets along the way are distinctive. Make sure that Chaz learns something from every person he meets.
Road trip films are about learning life lessons, which he does, but he should learn from each encounter and adventure. In addition, remember that Jacques should also learn something from Chaz.
The dialogue is sharp and reveals information about the characters and reflects the characters’ inner struggles and conflicts. The dialogue also conveys the themes and messages.
Chaz has a refreshing voice and the VO contains nice humor. The statement “two out of three doctors” is said several times and then paid off by Chaz, but consider only having Jacques saying it twice (or three times) versus four times.
The script is professionally formatted. There are a few extra spaces in the formatting on page 67 and 77. On page 85, there’s a small typo “ten dollar bill to the…”
In summary, the story is well written and provides a satisfying emotional journey for the audience. To make it even stronger consider some of the suggestions regarding elevating the