Negative Indicators: Low Self-Esteem

Negative Indicators – low self – esteem

Based on my own clinical observation, I have found the following traits to be associated with teenagers who have low self - esteem.

• Puts down others by teasing, name calling or gossiping
• Uses gestures that are dramatic or out of context
• Engages in inappropriate touching or avoids physical contact
• Gives excuses for failures
• Brags excessively about achievements, skills and appearance (personal fable)
• Verbally puts self – down; self depreciation
• Speaks too loudly, abruptly or in a dogmatic tone.
• Float around from peer group to peer group trying to find a place to “fit in”
• Some become loners and speed all day shut up in his or her room
• Can become addicted to social media
• Are vulnerable

In summary when someone feels secure and self-confident he lives out of a true self. Teenagers who evolve into an ego state of identity achievement are living out of a true self. This will be further explained in Chapter Five.

The False Self.

Alter 30 years of clinical experience, I have come to notice that ALL teenagers create “a sense of self.” Hurt teenagers tend to develop a false sense of self and seek love and belonging in the “wrong” places with the wrong people. On the other hand, healthy attached teenagers will develop a true sense of self and find acceptance and belonging in the right places and with the right people.

A teenager with a false sense of self will have a tendency to do the following: • Change attire, hairstyles, morals and opinions to suit the group he or she is a part of or wants to become a part of.
• Exaggerate (or lie about) aspects of their live such as:
• Saying he lives in a 3 – story house with a private pool. When in reality, he lives in a low-cost flat (personal fable)
• Saying he won 2nd place at the science fair. When in reality he didn’t even enter the fair (personal

I think of the false self as a persecutor in the disguise of a protector. Such as an attractive girl who makes herself “ugly” is persecuting herself by denying herself the pleasure of celebrating her authentic attractive appearance; however, this ugly” false – self protects her from being paid attention to from men.

Self – Reflective Questions

1. Remember when you were a teenager. Did you have any personal fables? If so, what purpose did these serve for you ? How long did you tell the personal fable?
2. As an adult do you have any personal fables, Shhhhhh….. I promise not to tell. If so what do you see as the need for having these fables ? What might people think if you began to tell the truth instead of your fable ?
3. Have you known teenagers who have personal fables ? How do you react when you hear a teen’s fable?
4. By the end of your teenage years, do you believe you evolved into a true, healthy sense of self ?
5. Where do you believe you are now in terms of a true self vs. a false self ?

From Diana’s Pearls of Wisdom – A false self is always a persecutor in the disguise of a protector. As long as we live through a false self, we deprive ourselves and the world of our innate gifts and