Divorced Or Fail By John Gottman Analysis

No! Your wrong. I love you. I hate you. You are so beautiful. These are just simple words that are used by couples in everyday life for them. There are thousands and thousands of couples that are either getting married or getting divorced everyday. Many marriages succed or they don’t, and there are several different reasons for that. As John Gottman researched many married and divorced couples over several years on this topic, he found out many different ways that couples get divorced or stay together happily (Gottman,1994). John Gottman also wrote a book called “WHY MARRIAGES SUCCED OR FAIL...AND HOW YOU CAN MAKE YOURS LAST” to help many couples right now or that will be in the future.=. This author is very qualified in his very own way

There are many couples that have loved each before marriage and after marriage. These couples understand each other in every way and they know what to do in every single moment to keep their marriage safe and happy. They keep each other in touch and informed about others and themselves. These couples are called the PERFECT COUPLE. To be the perfect couple, Gottman gave few tips which are to be actively interested in what your partner is saying, be affectionate, show you care, be appreciate, show your concern, be empathic, be accepting, joke around, and sharing your joy (Gottman, 1994). Those couples that are perfect, their marriage lasts forever but there are also other couples which are not that great in trying to keep their marriage strong. The couples that can’t keep their marriage strong and that keep fighting are called the DREADFUL COUPLE. They make their life depressing and their partners by fighting everyday over little things that don’t even matter. Many in this kind of relationship just want to prove themselves, that they are right. They will do anything to prove themselves right and will try to ignore each other until somehow, their problem is resolved. Gottman gives the warning sign by giving us the four horsemen of the apocalypse. 1.) Criticism, 2.)Contempt, 3.) Defensiveness, 4.) Stonewalling.

We need to have the capability to use our brain to control our behaviors towards others and somehow learn to control yourself in a new way. No, there is no credible research cited because it was Gottman who did the research himself. He worked hard to find all the situations of being married and finding resolutions for it. Gottman was very concise with his research on married couples because he gave many different examples that could relate to the readers partners. Somewhere in the book, the reader should be able to find himself with his partner in the same situation. Gottman did a really well job not cherry picking to keep it more attracting to the readers. There were many different viewpoints to this book because Gottman showed in the the book of how the couples fight with each other and how they have a different perspective form their partner. Few questions I had about this book is that if there could be different type of couples that exist that Gottman didn’t find about. What about the relationship in the future now because of all this new technology? How would the technology be affecting the way we communicate in a relationship? Many couples are argue over little things and bicker about them. They make little arguments into a big one and from this, i learned that many psychologist call it dysfunctional, this would poison the