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Hi Marcos's Argument Analysis

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Hi Marcos, 1. I really enjoyed reading your draft. It has good examples to support the argument about the topic, and it is easy to understand your point. Base 1: Unity 1. Even though the essay has the three supporting points of the topic, those three points are not stated in one or two sentences. So there is a clearly stated thesis in the introductory paragraph, but I think it needs to be written together. 2. Yes, all the supporting paragraphs back up the thesis, so it helps understand what the author is trying to appeal on this essay. Also, the supporting point are agreeable by stating proper examples and reasons. Base 2: Support 1. Yes, there is specific evidence. I like how the author connects the argument with the examples from the article …show more content…

I like how you organize the points of the topic, which is about the positive effects of surveillance, and it makes to understand clearly the argument that you have supported. Base 1: Unity 1. Yes, there is a clearly stated thesis in the introductory paragraph, which said surveillance cameras play a significant role in helping the growth of business, assisting customers with their needs in a timely manner and loss prevention. 2. Yes, all the supporting paragraphs back up the thesis, and it is easy to follow the points. Base 2: Support 1. Yes, there is specific evidence. The explanations of each paragraph support the author’s point well. I also like how the author comes up the questions about the ethical problem, such as “is consent implied fi the business post a sign informing customers of cameras?” and “should customers have the right to choose explicitly whether explicitly whether they want to be recorded?” 2. Yes, there is plenty of it since many examples are explained in the essay. Base 3: Coherence 1. Yes, there is a clear method of organization. The three supporting points are written in sequence. 2. Transitions are used to connect sentences and ideas appropriately. I find that many of them are used in the essay, and they helps to connect the ideas

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