Assertiveness is the quality of being confident and self-assured, without being aggressive.
It is simply a case of making a positive effort to have one’s needs met. Assertiveness is a healthy behaviour. Behaviour can be broken down into three main areas:
1. Aggressive
2. Assertive
3. Passive
Aggression is a bullish, in your face behaviour which can be seen through such behaviours as belittling others, being offensive, judging people and being critical, being violent and abusive.
Passive behaviour avoids conflict, aiming to please constantly, full of self-blame, low self-esteem and feels unconfident.
Assertiveness is a balance between passive and aggressive. It involves listening to people, clearly stating your needs, having good emotional
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People who are assertive are clear where the ownership of a problem lies, and ensures they maintain their polite and assertive stance to have the ownership of the problem placed where it belongs. In maintaining their assertive stance a person is able to say no to people politely and firmly without worrying about causing offence.
Some people externalise, this is where they blame other people for how they are feeling. This doesn’t use assertive behaviour, and in fact could be passive or aggressive depending on the person at hand. Externalising has three tendencies which are: • Overvaluing your contribution to the relationship and undervaluing the contribution of others. • Criticising others for being different to you rather than appreciating and building on those differences. • Seeing others’ sins against you but not yours against them.
Acting in this way can cause major problems within your relationships. People generally act this way because they: • Find it hard to put themselves in someone else’s shoes - unable to see things from another personâ€point of view. • Find it much easier to spot someone else’s faults than their