Interpersonal Communication

Understanding my high levels communication apprehension has helped me identify its underlying causes and the role it plays in my interpersonal conflicts. According to Cahn and Abigail (2014), communication apprehension is “the level of anxiety a person feels in response to interpersonal, group, or public communication situations.” As someone with generalized anxiety disorder, I have always been aware of the high levels of communication apprehension I experience. It was not until reading about it in the text and seeing it firsthand in my conflict records that I realized how it has affected my view of communication. Whether it’s a phone call for pizza delivery or a lunch date with my friends, the first emotion I feel is not of excitement or anticipation:

Self-esteem plays a huge role in how I handle conflict. I hardly ever value my own needs as much as the other person’s. If I do initiate conflict, I fail miserably at communicating my own needs, I accommodate and give in to the other person, and the conflict ends up not fully resolved. As a result, I want to further avoid conflict since I did not successfully communicate my own needs and felt underappreciated. Thus, the cycle continues. Previously, I was under the impression that having a low self-esteem and negative perception of myself had no negative impact on how I treated others. Now, however, I’m forced to realize that how I view myself alters how I express myself and this in turn plays a major role in how I manage conflict. Fortunately, I am now aware that the reason I find myself stuck in this cycle so often is because of my low self-esteem and perception of self-worth. In order to improve upon my conflict management skills, I must return to the building blocks of intrapersonal communication. I must be honest with myself, communicate my own needs, and believe in my ability to improve. Makoul & Roloff (1998) state that “Individuals may avoid confronting their partners not because they doubt that confrontation will be successful, but because they do not feel they can be confrontational.” Adhering to this logic, I can help break out of my dysfunctional communication behaviors by simply believing that I do have the ability to be confrontational and that I can indeed develop effective conflict management skills in time. By building my self-esteem and putting myself first, I will stop accommodating others and break away from the cycle, bringing myself one step closer to effective conflict