Panic Monologue

Panic disorder: a psychiatric disorder in which debilitating anxiety and fear arise frequently and without reasonable cause.

My chest was red hot, my eyes bloodshot, my brain frenzied. It felt like I was going to start screaming. No pills to take, breathing method wasn’t working. What am I going to do? Are people looking at me weird? Am I doing something wrong? What is wrong with me? A simple action like raising my hand was like pushing a boulder up a mountain.
“Excuse me, Mr. _______. May I go to the restroom.” I spoke out. Almost nothing came out and the little that did made my chest cave in on itself. Then, I got nod of his head. Bringing myself up then stumbling to the door, opening it, and closing it, with every step brought hyperventilation

You can’t control that.
That’s just some piss excuse for justifying yourself. You can control It, you just never do anything right.
You do plenty of things right! You write like a pro, you have never had anything lower than a GPA of 3.5! You got into the academy for performing arts! How can you even say you don't do anything right?
You don’t even try at those things. They somehow got handed to you on a silver platter. You may have been born with a high I.Q. but everything that isn’t easy for you renders you useless.
The other side got quiet. He was right, everything that isn’t easy to me is like my Achilles heel. If it’s not one of my talents or something I can’t incorporate my talents into, i won’t be able to do it. Socializing, drawing, standing up for myself, being normal. I’m always gonna be an outcast, just because I’m talented doesn’t mean I’m a good person.

….Yeah It does.
My eyes squinted at the wall in front of me. Stille bloodshot from tears.
You don’t need to be good at everything to deserve to live.

You’re not perfect, you strive for it, but you’ll never reach it. Not because you’re stupid or incompetent, you’re human. You treat everyone with respect, but you treat yourself like

I’m human, I’m not gonna be perfect, I’m gonna be weird and I’m gonna be embarrassed and there’s nothing that I can do about that. I don’t need to be perfect, I just need to be me. At this point I was silently screaming, no longer able to hold back. I had a revelation, I found justification, i had validation and as long as I give myself that, no one else can take that away from me. The bolded voice in my head was drowned out by my own sobs. I didn’t need that part of me anymore, criticising my every mood, every action, every word that came out of my mouth. I’m okay. I’m okay! I’m fine the way I am