Personal Narrative: Depression And Being Apart Of The LGBTQ Community

Everyone is different. We each find meaning in something that shows us something good in ourselves and others. Anyone can say that the heart means love for them, but how they find love in that and how they relate it to themselves is how it becomes special. To me that heart signifies the unity of people, whether it be friends, significant others, or ourselves. In spite of self-love, depression affects 2.8 million adolescents, and LGBTQ teens are twice as likely to attempt suicide than their heterosexual peers. I can truthfully say I suffer from this as well. Reasons such as depression and being apart of the LGBTQ community are why certain symbols have extreme meaning or none at all. Symbols that can show this part of me can be represented as

Many could say this is just a part of life that everyone undergoes, but I beg to differ. The mere fact that I had to create a symbol to help me get through the school year, much less a single day, is ridiculous. During that time kids did not understand a lot about themselves or the world. Lashing out at others because of their own insecurities is not okay. Although I was called names like “Joseph Are gay-es”, I still got through fourth and fifth grade. When it got rough,I would draw a capital J with a capital A connected with a capital Z running off the A on my skin. This stood for “Joseph Arguelles’ Zone” showing safety in my own skin. To me this meant that no matter what others said or did to me I would be fine because they cannot touch me in my skin. Two years later I had came out as gay after moving, a year before coming to Elkhorn. I had my first boyfriend and had accepted myself as a part of the LGBTQ community. Having that support helped me become more comfortable being known as gay. Honestly I still struggle with my own identity at times, drifting between stages of who I am and who I want to be. One thing is for sure, and that is that I am proud to be gay. This pride is represented of me by the rainbow flag that many are hateful of. I realize there is a lot of hate in this world especially towards those who live their life differently, like me. All I know is that my life is mine and being gay is not a choice, but being

Me choosing to be prideful of who I am has led to a distant and unwelcome relationship with my parents, and others who oppose my belief. I can’t really blame them for my issues though, they choose to be unhappy with who I am and that has become their issue. It is how I have dealt with things, like their hate, that has led me to become as depressed as I am. I mean I don’t like saying the word “depressed”, it makes me feel uncomfortable and needy. Honestly, I try so hard to be independant, to not rely on people to try to make me feel better and get through my dark days. That is my job. I guess I learned that lesson when my father disowned me three times. The first time he disowned me was when he found out I was gay by my mom. Once my little brother found out on the fourth of July 2016, he threatened to tell my mom if I didn’t do his chores for a week. I refused and he told my mom and it did not go well. That’s a story for another time but once my mom found out she told my dad. The second was after I had run-away because of the mental and physical abuse that plagued my home, and lastly when I told him I had attempted suicide January 16, 2018. It’s hard not being able to rely on people, much less your own parents. The symbol that helps represent my independence as a person and self-reliance is an infinity with a heart on the top left that connects the two continuing lines. To me this symbol means that as long as you love yourself