Personal Narrative: Gender Identity

Before coming to Lachsa I had attended a fairly conservative school in a small town. School was heavily academic focused and ones sexuality, hetro- or homosexual, wasn’t discussed. After a short time in high school was obvious that the rules were different. As I was exposed to a wider expanse of ideas about life and different ideas dealing with gender identity, and sexuality it made me question things about myself. Immersed a new supportive community I was able to see myself clearly and after the summer of my junior year, during which I developed a relationship with girl, I realized that I was gay. I felt like my self discovery was to big not to tell my parents, but I wasn’t sure I could deal with the subsequent reaction, good or bad. Either

And with my recent move to a house a block away from the LA river bike path, I biked 10 miles, every Saturday, to the Atwater farmers market. However, once the rainfall increased the la river was threatening to overflow the large portions of the path were closed down. Proceeding through the cut fence, in to the closed portions, takes bikers into a homeless shantytown, where personally I have had frightening interactions with some of the residents. Trapped between the LA River and the 5 freeway my bike routes were limited and my frequent rides dwindled to an end. I missed the energy and the clarity that I gained from my rides; however I put off finding another path for weeks. I have anxiety about looking like I don’t know what I am doing and I feared that if I went to find an alternate route I would end up looking like a clueless

At that point, in my mind I found it so funny that these people where following me, someone so unsure and afraid to make an improper step. This made me realize that the people around me do not know the insecurities and unsure thoughts that pass through my mind. And even if I did mess up, what does it matter? When examine how being afraid of misstepping has effected me, its clear that it apples to way more than my biking habits. It applies to my art, my classes, when I talk to people, etc. I hold myself back from doing things I want to try or, in this case, something legitimately like to do because I am afraid. The realization this characteristic in myself has led to personal examination of how it affects my day-to-day life. Now, months after I discovered a new path by diverging from the old one, I have started to transition from my old routine and I’m working on trying not to restrict myself because of my insecurities of messing