Mental Maturity

PERSONAL

It has always been a mystery to me when I think of what could possibly have triggered my anxiety so much. I felt that I was always in control of my life; my mental maturity was at a peak and I was aware of my surroundings. However the moment when I was put into situations that were out of my league, such as having to cope with the absence of my parents (even though it was temporary) emotionally, I was not able to cope. The gap between my mental and emotional maturity was too large to breach and I had to try to create that equilibrium which I needed at that stage of my life.

At the age of eight, my best friend’s parents got divorced and that was something to which I had never been exposed. It seemed completely abnormal. Dealing with

Every time the sun set, I began to feel ‘sick’ which was a way for me being unable to escape. This is what slowly started to allow other problems to arise. The lack of sleep did not help me function properly. My relationship with my family started to take strain; my mom and dad were getting fed up; I kept them up at night and when they went out they could never enjoy themselves with the thirty phone calls from me. Each morning at school I would run after my mom and spend every morning in the counsellor’s office. My brother who was five at the time would be woken up every night with me screaming and crying. My school and social life went downhill; I missed out on the essentials in Mathematics and English, which are still problematic for me. I had to go through this alone as my friendships were almost non-existent by

Through all the difficulties and fights, and even though I caused trouble for my parents with my problems, my family were always my backbone. It was suggested to my parents for me to be treated on an adult’s dose of anti-anxiety medication, with side effects which were unknown to me. I do not have memory of being on any medication and all my changes I believed were just natural. Only recently I found out the truth and all the changes in my appearance were the side-effects about which my parents were concerned. My life was back on track and I was taken off my tablets and learned to deal with my problems. Yet it all came to a standstill when I had to watch my Gran become sick and pass away from cancer. In addition, we were also held up by robbers at home when I was twelve. This time it was not as bad but my anxiety was back. This time I turned to nature and it became an important source of my healing as it is so tranquil and provides everyone with essentials. The stars give us light in the darkness of the night and that allowed me to see that throughout this time there was always a way to find lightness and goodness in life. The trees provide the world with oxygen and when I had my anxiety attacks, the trees provided me with the oxygen when I struggled to breath.

Now at 17, I am in Matric, caught up in the work I missed out and holding my own in a very