As per the instructor’s feedback I rephrase mi title in order to be appropriate to the content of my essay. Additionally, I reworded the thesis as suggested in order to be parallel structured and within one sentence. At the same time, I added the effect of my argument within the thesis. Another change that was made was to in reference of my topic sentences, I changed the content to reference my thesis statement. Furthermore, I included my in-text citations of the scenes that were used to support my argument. At the same time I included my Works Cited on the bottom of my essay. Another change that took effect was on my word choices, I decided to use synonyms to improve my writing. With that in mind, I decided to restructure many sentences in order to have a fluent writing from beginning to end. …show more content…
With that say, the quotes provided stronger evidence that Disney movies influence how children with their negative messages. For example, how the realtor tells Tiana that she should stay where she is and diminish her as a competitive entrepreneur. As supporting evidence the quote served to prove that Tiana was not capable of running her own business because she is a woman. At the same time, I added additional content to involve the reader emotionally by differently the behavior between social classes. The purpose of this adjustment was to persuade the readers to analyze the social statues that Disney is creating stereotypes. A final change was to format my essay to meet MLA guidelines. I can conclude, that all changes made had benefited my essay on fluency, word choice and sentence structure. After implementing the changes suggested I was able to write a stronger