FAIRY TALES CAN COME TRUE is a fun and entertaining comedy with romance. The concept of a distrustful, amateur card counter, unknowingly teaming up with a married, rich, casino owner is a fun premise. The concept has merit and it’s a nice setup for conflict, tension, comedy, and character transformation.
There’s a lot to like about the script. The goal is clear and the stakes are fairly high. The script is driven by solid themes about trust and happiness. While the script presents with strengths, there definitely more room to build upon those strengths.
The first act sets up the ordinary world for Cynthia, but it’s a bit overdone in some ways. One, she’s supposed to be distrustful, but the audience doesn’t see anything happen to her that
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Just pick one or the other. Her dream is either to be an artist or designer, so open with her as a failed artist or a designer. Switching impedes the pace.
Make sure the audience understands she’s also looking for what she thinks is a fairy tale life where she can live happily ever after, but she just doesn’t know what life that is. This will make the narration of the fairy tale book seem more justified.
In addition, right now, Dan is introduced too late in the first act. It would be nice to introduce his world sooner and transition back and forth from his rich lifestyle to Cynthia’s modest world. The plot and character transformation might work more effectively if Cynthia dreams about being rich, while Dan dreams about being more modest. This sets up a contradiction and conflict. Cynthia’s external goal will conflict with Dan’s external goal, yet they both have the same inner or emotional goal: love and happiness forever.
However, the idea of Dan being married is concerning. This makes him too unlikable, especially for the female audience. Consider that he has a girlfriend or fiancé, but not
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This takes one out of the main storyline, and as mentioned, his character type is too much like Vinny, Vito, and the cops. Consider if Vinny, Vito, Pepe, and Paco should be so much alike and cartoonish in their comedy. It may not appeal to the more mature audience (it’s a creative choice wacky style comedy vs. more mature). Certainly there can be a blend, but it has to be skillfully crafted.. The fantasy of seeing Dan’s nose grows is creative, but it has to be a style incorporated overall in the script.
The best comedy is derived organically from characters and their quirks or flaws, as well as physical and visual comedy. Good, witty one-liners will also enhance the comedy. Avoid trying to force a joke about the “pimples,” as this isn’t naturally funny.
Cynthia is very likable and a potentially good comedic character. As mentioned, make sure the audience really understands why she is distrustful and that she wants the happy ever after life, but doesn’t know what that is. Her putting on different wigs is fun.
At the end, however, one isn’t really sure what she learns about life and happiness. Dan seems to have the bigger arc than she