Just got the next message. I am so happy your kids confirmed this strong bond you have with them. I knew this about Ellie - that she’s holding back. I in case you’re not already aware of this, I can tell you that she feels safer expecting less of from herself than aiming high. And it has a lot to do with her brother who seems to be able to draw a lot of focus on his achievements. And of course, a mother who reinforces this will make her believe these things about herself. But I have learned two things about this behaviour: deep down inside, she knows this is not true, and living a life where she is kind of forcing herself to see herself as a lesser person than she really is, will take away her peace. Your soul knows when you’re not true to …show more content…
She believes she’ll never be Nik’s match, and instead of pushing to do her best, she’d rather not even try, because failing to prove she’s as talented and clever would be a great fear of hers. You can tell her that children of the same parents are generally equally intelligent. It’s a fact. This is about IQ (not EQ). Some kids have a way of thinking and processing thoughts and learning and presenting what they’ve learned that just seems to be in line with what the school or college wants. So because they can present it that way, they get better marks, and things just seem to be plain sailing for them. But for people like Ellie who don’t glide through life like Nik, this will happen when she finds her passion. And then she’d probably outdo him. And lastly, if you can get her to understand that admitting to mistakes and weaknesses is very empowering - she’ll feel much freer. If you don’t know something, just say it, and don’t worry about other people’s …show more content…
So my mother expected the same from us, though not as harshly. This, together with the fact that she was part of a team that presented special classes and lectures to for kids with IQs of 140 and higher, made me feel that pressure. All my siblings had very high IQs, and I refused to have mine tested - mostly because of the pressure I felt from my mother. She ended up telling me I’m talented, while my brothers were gifted (something to do with piano and music). So even though this made my life much easier (much less pressure from her), I had this nagging discomfort - was I perhaps really more stupid than the rest? And when you grow up like this, as I am sure Ellie is also doing, you start protecting yourself - you won’t perform too well, because that’ll open a can of worms. But you are also scared of proving people right - that you’re perhaps really not as clever as your