John Gottman

Essay #3

Dr. Gottman Research/ “Masters and “Disasters”

John Gottman is the therapist. He is an influential researcher on marriage stability. In Dr. Gottman’s research, he attempts to improve relationship without identifying negative behaviors. Dr. Gottman is the author of New York Times bestseller “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.” The seven principles are 5:1 Ratio, “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse,” 3 Ingredients of Friendship, Positive Sentiment Override, Soft Start-up, moving from Gridlock to Dialogue and Accepting Influence without resentment. In his research, he states how he can predict the chances of the success or failure of a marriage by 91%. In Dr. Gottman research, he aims to make people more aware in recognizing

She always instilled in me the courage to stand up for my beliefs and the value of hard work. My mother’s ambition and hard work made her very successful in her career. She has been able to travel around the world and live comfortably. My father also values hard work but is not happy in his trade. The success of a career or job can influence a day to day emotions in a couple. The relationship between my parents has always been filled with turmoil. My parents have been together for 25 years. For a long portion of the relationship, my parents lived in different countries due to immigration issues. My mother lived in New York with my grandmother and me, while my father lived in South America. Since 2001, my father obtains a permanent visa and was able to live with us. At times, I feel my father is intimidated by my mother’s success and tries to cover it by criticizing her. He often would point out her imperfections to directly offend her. My father always acted as if he was superior to my mother. He showed contempt by discussing his feeling to make himself feel better by aggression. These hurtful comments would not be accepted my mother. There were weeks my mother would not talk to my father for a long period of time. My father would not admit his mistakes nor my mother would try to make him change his ways. Instead of facing the problems to find a solution as a

I do believe every relationship has a set of different issues, but it's how the couple faces these issues what is important. In my current relationship, I have been able to experience what love and a relationship really is. Many couples or marriages state how there is a certain “honeymoon stage.” In my relationship, this was not exactly the case. When I first met my boyfriend, our similarities and goals untied us. At the beginning of our relationship, we noticed how much we were alike but also different in some ways. Our differences in views at the time would cause us to argue. As a couple, we started to criticize and become defensive towards each other. I look up to my partner in the sense that he knows how to calm a situation down. With time, we learned about each other in detail and became more understanding on how we can be our best selves together. As a couple, we actively communicate and express our feeling, dreams, aspirations, and fears. As time passed by we started to shift our actions and words. We are not Masters, but we do try to stay away from negative behavior that can affect our relationship. By doing so, the connection we have together gets stronger and improves with time. We have goals together as a couple but also goals as individuals in our careers. My