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My Attachment Theory

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Attachment theory provides significant understanding of human nature and behavior. It can give one insight into oneself, others, and into what constitutes healthy relationships. When learning to understand oneself, sometimes it is helpful to have an objective perspective. To this end, I completed an attachment style questionnaire available from web-research-design.net. The results, while not surprising, were not necessarily what I would have wanted. This understanding, however, will allow me to pursue growth and change. The results of the questionnaire are, in my mind, quite accurate. It concluded my attachment style to be “fearful-avoidant.” Berger (2014) defines an insecure-avoidant attachment style as “a pattern of attachment in which an …show more content…

The questionnaire is helpful in this regard. I was a little disappointed with the questionnaire, however, because there was no information about the process of changing negative attachment styles. John Bowlby (1988) recognized this lack of information in his book, A Secure Base, in which he wrote, “it would…be especially valuable if we were to have a detailed account of the conditions in which a major therapeutic change occurs” (p. 56). In a world that is filled with broken people, myself included, I have worked to become healthy. Even though I have experienced significant growth, I continue to struggle with being fearful and avoidant. Change, it seems, does not come …show more content…

It has been a blessing in that it has drawn me to God, longing for an intimate relationship with him. The possibility of having a relationship with God as my Father, who is not like the father I grew up with, stirred in my heart. It has allowed me to acknowledge deep felt longings for connection and to embrace them as an intrinsic and valuable part, not only of human nature, but also of who I am as his son. Conversely, negative attachment experiences have also been a curse in that those negative experiences are what feel true. Just as affirming experiences can produce positive feelings, so harmful experiences tend to produce negative feelings. Even though I know that God is very different than what I have experienced, he still feels distant and

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