Personal Narrative: Agnostic Buddhism

I am an agnostic theist, but I believe in many of the Buddhist ideologies. Agnostic theism is the idea that one can have a wide range of beliefs in gods and also not be able to or wish to claim to know for sure whether those gods definitely exist. Buddhism has many beliefs that I appreciate. The concept of suffering and an individual’s ability to overcome it with the power of the mind is really empowering to me. I have just recently reached this spiritual alignment, even though I have always found myself questioning my own beliefs and the beliefs of those around me. It was tough to branch off from the family and their familiar Christian values and tell my mom I did not believe in the bible. I could equate it to the feeling of “coming out”,

My school had almost all students of the same nationality and faith, so it was easy to put a large stock in religion. We said our grace before eating and promised to pray for each other when something was going wrong in our lives. In middle school, it was different, because we were not all as gracious and courteous about religion as we once were. All of us were being mixed in with kids from different backgrounds that celebrated different beliefs and ways of life. It became a competition of who had the superior lifestyle and that outcasted many students, so I did not like being associated with Christianity as much anymore. When I was younger, religion felt accepting and understanding of any differences. Christianity felt like a way to feel less alone, but while growing up, I saw how it isolated so many people and I did not approve of it. However, I retained a fear of Hell and felt like the best I could do was show other students how to be a better Christian. I did not want to judge others for their religions or affiliations and tried to keep my social interactions from making me into a person who feels superior. To me that was what religion was doing, creating an hierarchy within even the youngest minds of middle schoolers between eleven and fourteen years old. Institutionalized religion became something I feared. The idea of churches corrupting the youth with ideas of superiority bothered me. It may not be all churches and religions. but it has always occurred in the religious institutions that I have been exposed