I felt sick. My breath was coming in short, uneven puffs and my stomach felt like it was being twisted and squeezed and shoved into my lungs. I could feel the butterflies bumping into one another and then crash landing against the edges of my belly. My hands were shaking harder than they were this morning and I could not find my voice. I wanted to fall into some kind of pit where I could go home and eat ice cream and pretend that I did not exist. Adrenaline was pumping through my veins and for a second, I thought my vision had gone blurry. Breathe, I chanted in my head, breathe. I cleared my throat. “Can you repeat the word?” I was surprised to see that my voice hardly betrayed my absolute dread and panic. The lady smiled at me with her bright …show more content…
I could not believe it. I was so sure I could win the 7th grade spelling bee and move on to the regional bee. My confidence only made my defeat all the more crushing and belittling. I vowed never again to slack in my endeavors. I learned later that day from my dad that defeat, no matter how trivial, only opened the doors for a better future and ultimately, change. It is never always about the number or grade that teachers or supervisors give me, but instead how I chose to respond to that evaluation. Although the defeat crushed me on that fateful October day of 7th grade, I learned that maintaining a solemn grace and moving on to pursue my goals with an increased rigor would only benefit me. However, it was only after two of my family members each suffered a neurological affliction did I realize that there was no easy solution to every problem in my life. Studying or researching could not make this nightmare just disappear. If I was confused before as to my goal or aspiration in life, these two events made it clear: I wanted to be a doctor. I wanted to prevent a tragedy before it happened so that someone else did not have to suffer the way my family did and I could only do so by working hard towards my goal. My fear of failure was nothing compared to my intent and plan for the