Analysis: Authentic Leadership Theory, And Servant Leadership

*Writing Strength:

You thoroughly discuss each of your chosen leadership models, Authentic Leadership theory, Adaptive Leadership theory, and Servant Leadership theory. Your discussion displays a good understanding of the strengths and weaknesses of each model. Because your discussion is so comprehensive, readers can easily see how each model played a part in developing your own personal leadership philosophy. Well done, Nicole!

Main Idea/Thesis

Right now, your thesis in your introduction does not preview the content of your body paragraphs. Because you do not preview the content of your essay, readers are not prepared for what you discuss in your body paragraphs. Here’s your current thesis:

I decided in order to become the best leader

Readers should be able to rely on your thesis statement, to know what topic you will be analyzing, so consider revising your thesis to better preview your essay. This is a good candidate from elsewhere in your essay:

I found three theories that I truly believe provide important aspects to my leadership philosophy. I chose to include aspects of the Authentic Leadership theory, Adaptive Leadership theory, and Servant Leadership theory.

You can use this as a starting point to craft a thesis that previews what you discuss in your essay. For more information, visit Developing a Thesis in the Smarthinking Writer’s Handbook.

*Nicole G. 10550945 has requested that you respond to the Content Development:

Your topic sentence for one of your body paragraphs does not accurately reflect the key point for that paragraph. Because there is a mismatch between a topic sentence and the content, readers are not prepared for what you discuss in that specific paragraph. Let’s take a look at this excerpt:

I have always believed that leadership is about serving others and attempting to better the environment around

Otherwise, you can revise it to more clearly reflect the paragraph content.

*Nicole G. 10550945 has requested that you respond to the Grammar & Mechanics:

Several sentences in your essay are missing commas after introductory comments. Because of the lacking commas, readers are not easily able to tell where the main thought of the sentence starts. Here’s an example from your essay:

According to this perspective leadership is a pattern of behavior that develops from strong ethics and the leader’s positive psychological qualities.

I highlighted the introductory element in this sentence to show you that a comma is required after perspective. A comma is required here to show readers where the introductory element ended and the main sentence starts so that running them together does not cause confusion. Look at the following examples:

• Suddenly, the commotion started.

• Because he disliked Chinese food, we had to eat elsewhere.

Check for similar introductory elements in your essay that are missing commas so you can make this quick revision. For more help in recognizing introductory elements, visit Commas in the Smarthinking Writer’s