To put on a single definition on love isn’t possible for me. Love is everything good, its kind, full of hope, light, and joy. Love is something I feel, something we should all receive, and something to give. For me, love is a deep desire to inflict joy and affection onto others, especially the ones I hold an emotional value with. I believe that all emotions derive from love or a lack of love. It was much easier for me to understand what love is, by first understanding was love wasn’t.
When I met my husband twelve years ago, I was looking for true love. I thought I found this perfect guy that I was going to marry and happily grow old with. Wow, was I wrong. This is when I began to question love. What is true love anyhow? Is it when you truly love or when you both truly love each other? Personally, I thought it would be with someone who really understands, supports, encourages me, and so on.
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The thought of divorce began to rear its ugly head. Neither of us were unfaithful or tried to hurt each other, but as we had kids and our own careers, we began to grow apart or fall out of love. If love is so good, then why was this hurting me so badly? That’s when it occurred to me what a deceiver the ideology of true love was – when I realized true love is not love. Without intending to, I was confusing love with conformity really. I wanted Chris to agree (support) with me, believe (encourage) what I believed, and do (understand) what I wanted to do. I was being selfish, which created a cloud of darkness that stirred up bad emotions causing us to become angry with one another. It caused a sense of hopelessness and sadness. It was the very opposite of what love