I may have become the new rock bottom, but it was now entirely because I put myself there. I was no longer being bullied, thank god, but I was left with the after affects of torture that someone else pushed onto me. Instead of being told that I was all those awful things that they called me, I now had my own brain repeating these things to me over and over again. This continuous loop that I could never escape from, was almost worse than any of the bullying that I could go through. It was also a courtesy of my anxiety and depression ganging up on me; with my depression telling me that I could never be good enough and the anxiety comparing me to others who were better than me, I continued to fall apart.
Although I had reached as far as I could go into the ground at this point, I did try to claw out of the dirt from time to time. Anxiety won't always a major bitch, sometimes it was semi-helpful as it helped combat my depression. Instead of staying home with a lack of drive or energy, I was now so stressed out about being accepted that I tried out for sports again which in turn helped me lose the weight I put on at the time. I did get more friends because I forced myself to be more outgoing and approachable, even if it meant faking it at times which helped to improve my
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I was no longer being bullied, thank god, but I was left with the after affects of torture that someone else pushed onto me. Instead of being told that I was all those awful things that they called me, I now had my own brain repeating these things to me over and over again. This continuous loop that I could never escape from, was almost worse than any of the bullying that I could go through. It was also a courtesy of my anxiety and depression ganging up on me; with my depression telling me that I could never be good enough and the anxiety comparing me to others who were better than me, I continued to fall