New York is often referred to as the city that never sleeps. As soon as the sun goes down in this city the bright LED’s turn on, and the night crowd begins. There is no off switch on this city. Similarly, while I practiced sitting by myself doing nothing I realized simply how impossible it is to turn off my thoughts. When I began to think I could solely focus on my mind I found that I get very anxious. I did not find myself in a peaceful bliss, but instead started to focus on the homework I could be getting ahead on, or the studying I could be doing. Instead I just sat and focused on what kind of state of mind I was in. This practice ultimately assured me that the first aspect of the pacmind exists.
Within the first minute of sitting and doing
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I realize that my mind is not only run by its fear and desires, but fear of having no knowledge, and its desire to be knowledgeable. Being a college student for example causes this deeper reflection of my mind’s fear and desires to become apparent in my everyday life. I thought about when I do not understand the topic being discussed in class I will fear getting a bad grade on a homework assignment or exam. However, that fear is then overcome by my desire to go home and study the topic that was not easily perceived to me until I am knowledgeable of it to my liking. This became intriguing to think about as I went throughout this practice, and I was able to relate a lot of scenarios in my life to having two sides of one coin. This example supports the first aspect of the pacmind having purpose in my life.
Finally, as I began to reach the end of this practice I found myself in a serene state of mind. I was no longer anxious, and had actually found myself happily able to organize thoughts and to-do’s in my mind. I was not letting the fear of getting behind in classes, and the desire to be doing homework affect my mental stability. Although I am an extroverted person, I found that my mind needs to sit back and relax just as my body needs to relax after a long workout. I found a deeper level of satisfaction by learning how to relax