Relationships: Are You A Piglet, Or An Eeyore?

Emotional Reactions in Relationships: Are you a Tigger, a Piglet, or an Eeyore?

When it comes to our relationships, it is just as important to gain insight into our own emotional reactions and tendencies as it is to gain insight into our partner’s.

We are each born with personality propensities and a host of varied emotional reactions. When frustrated or angered we may run away and hide, lash out, cry, or do all of the above. When happy we may feel excited and joyful on the inside, yet appear calm and relaxed on the outside. Some people are like my wife, often bouncing around like the fictional character, Tigger, in the Winnie-the-Pooh stories by A. A. Milne. Her natural tendency when hearing good or exciting news is to squeal and bounce

To connect or bond at an emotional level is the key to relationship health and satisfaction, and is the fabric binding individuals to each other. The best marriages are those in which spouses experience a deep sense of emotional connection, informing and enhancing each spouse’s emotional reality. Relationships suffer (and divorces more likely) when this bond or connection is threatened or even absent.

Relationship safety is the confidence that we can be emotionally vulnerable and still find acceptance, understanding and support. The biggest danger occurs when we feel misunderstood, or judged or unsafe. When this happens, our levels of fear and anxiety increase, and these reactions in turn increase our spouse’s levels of fears and insecurities. The spouse then also reflexively reacts with their own set of coping strategies, which in turn inspires more feelings of insecurity in their spouse. Conflict and distress in relationship is driven by this cycle of emotional reactivity.

When spouses begin to understand some of their own processes of emotional reactivity in the relationship, the new insights propel them toward taking greater responsibility for their processes, resulting in healthier self-awareness and hopefully