Duane Elmer’s book is very insightful on relating cross-culturally, and it is easily applicable to international and cross-cultural missions and travel and also to all relationships that attempt to bridge two groups who are very different. Elmer firmly rightly believes that every single culture and even person has their own unique frame of reference and perspective. Everyone at some point needs to adjust from their perspectives of generations, ethnicities, cultures and genders. “No one person or people group knows the mind of God well enough to be able to draw right-wrong-difference lines in an absolute way for all time.” Elmer asserts that the only way we can effectively get “closer to the mind of God” is to “come together and learn from each other” (Elmer, 26).
When we think that our own frame of reference is normal, we use it as our measuring stick for all other cultures we interact with. We judge
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Obviously this can’t be done perfectly because you haven’t experienced the culture, but there are several ways to do this. For instance, researching the culture online is extremely helpful, but it is also good to have someone who has experienced the same culture shock that you will be experiencing to debrief you. If we prepare ourselves for what we are about to experience, we will be less likely to assume that we are the norm, and it will help us realize that there is a vast variety of norms to be experienced. If I assume that certain behaviors are normal for you, even though they are not part of my normal behavior, it will be easier for me to change my expectations to the reality I am currently experiencing. Instead of saying, “That is not like me, it must be inferior or wrong,” I can say, “That is not like me and I do not understand it…yet. But that is you, and I can accept you and your ways.” (Elmer, P 60 -