Adult Attachment Theory Paper

I was married for 10 years when I was younger. I have been married to my present wife for 28 years. My first wife and I were 19 and 22 years old when we were married. We had two children fairly early in our relationship. We lived away from family for four of the first five years of married life, so we did not have a lot of support from family. This first marriage failed for a number of reasons. It was a heavily conflict-laden marriage (verbal). Both partners in the marriage were ill equipped to deal with the pressures of raising two active children far from home, especially given the challenges of our own childhoods. We had financial pressures and it took some time before we could develop a network of friends. And we were both trying to grow

I am a strong proponent of attachment theory as a way of looking at what is happening in a relationship. While neither of us were completely insecure when we got married, I tend to align with researchers that see attachment more as dimensions, represented by anxiety and avoidance (Brennan, Clark, & Shaver, 1998). My wife was raised in a high-conflict household with a father suffering from undiagnosed Bipolar Disorder (he was later put on lithium). In my case, I was raised in a family that smoothed everything over, but did a poor job of confronting and dealing with conflict. The result was two people who did not have all their needs met, and who lived in families that did not always know how to process the inevitable daily challenges that might arise. I would describe our childhoods as almost good enough, with gaps that carried into our adult lives. I classify myself as anxious and my wife as anxious-avoidant. In my case, my ability to move towards a more secure relationship later in life, required a certain conscious awareness of my anxious tendencies. Going back to my first marriage, we both sought out comfort from the other. My attempts were met with very unpredictable results. My wife could be responsive and accepting or terribly avoidant. The unpredictable nature of our interactions destabilized me at times and made navigating the relationship very challenging. By the time we were married five years, we hit

Similar to Gottman Method Couple Therapy, EFT is supported by research. EFT is also strongly rooted in attachment theory. As the name suggests, the theory focuses on emotions, with the therapist playing the role of a consultant to the couple. Sue Johnson (2008) can be credited as a leader for introducing emotions into the realm of couple therapy, something her colleagues were skeptical about at the time. An EFT therapist sees therapy as a three-stage process. In the first stage, the therapist begins by helping the couple get control over the conflict in the relationship. Besides identifying the conflict issues that are present, the therapist helps the couple uncover the process (or cycle) they are experiencing while in conflict. This then leads to the ability to uncover any emotions associated with attachment issues which are driving the conflict. Doing so allows the therapist to find new ways for the couple to see their problem in light of the attachment need. The second phase focuses on altering the positions of each partner, thus allowing them to see the degree to which their attachment needs are influencing their behavior. This then opens the way to accepting the experience of their partner, and for each partner to express their own wants and needs, leading to new bonding experiences. The third phase allows the couple to find new ways of solving old problems, and to