Hello, Makilah,
I read your rough draft proposal and found it interesting. I have never thought about this topic. You have provided a detailed description of the problem which is a must in a draft proposal. The way you have defined teacher is excellent. I completely agree with your words. You have explained the problem in depth but not the solution to that problem. Therefore, you need to clearly explain the solution. You can give various clarification such as raising all teacher standards, understanding and abilities through extensive professional development. As far as your thesis statement, it is in proper format. However, I found some grammatical errors in your paper. For instance, in your second paragraph you are missing a comma between teacher and you. You also need to use correct preposition. In your ninth sentence of second paragraph, there should be in the minority schools instead of to. So, be careful with grammar. Other than that, you proposal idea is beyond anybody’s thought and you have done really great job on that.
Hello Bradford,
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Racism is a very serious issue especially here in United States. I entirely agree with your thesis point “If you look close enough, the effect of racism does not only affect a few people but a whole culture”. Since, you have faced this problem, you must have gone through various situation. Your topic “Is it worth it” made me think about the proposal idea. Actually, in my opinion, you could have put some other topic like racism in United States or anything that indicates that the main idea is all about racism. Your paper will surely grab audience attention once you use this sort of topic. I can see your paper is in improper format. The draft proposal should be written in APA style. You explained both the problem and solution in detail. You have also included example which is a plus point to your draft paper. This is just a rough draft I am sure you will do much better in your final